Fire true to your passion

Fire true to your passion.

i've probably lost the feeling of how i felt hours ago, feeling very challenged & motivated to shoot. but oh well. at least i can remb the experience still. i shld b able to get the feeling back as i typed on. so read on as well.

so...wahaha. went down to cck and shot smallbore today. basically i was thinking of taking up 3P. and in fact i've been thinking of taking up 3P for quite a while alrdy. but i prolly only did 2P today. which is the prone and the standing position. didn get a chance to do kneeling today.

standing position. no elaboration on that. cos basically it's the same as normal air rifle standing position, just with the addition of a recoil whn u shoot. hmm. gotta work on that though, if i'm shooting 3P. cos basically, i find the buttplate too short for me so it aint fixed and i feel it's affecting my shooting for standing position.

prone position. tis is the challenge. but it's where the fun is for today. hahaha. coach asked me to take up the prone position in my innerwear at first. thn the jacket came on. and the perspiration starts to come in like a normal water tap that is turned on. it sure took quite a while for me to adapt to the position. the left arm going over the sling. the tightness. the pushing. the position. woah, it gets kinda tough on first try. thn my body starts to adapt. and tis process was filled with the most perspiration. hahaha. after a while, whn i finally end my prone training with 15 shots. i can say i was not perspring as much as b4.

50m rifle proning for the first time = perspiration till my whole long sleeve T was wet inside [taz basically for me. ha.]

haha. enuf talk abt the happenings. now as always. feelings are better to express in blogs. it makes blogs hav emotions (i guess so? or does it not?)

i think i'm falling in love all over again for my passion. shooting air rifle all tis years. i do actually feel kinda numb smtimes. so numbed i've find it no challenge to shoot good scores anymore, instead i switched to the challenge to perfect my processes. but that aint easy. now that i picked up shooting 3P, by basically starting out with proning. it's a challenge. a very much fun challenge. prolly taz waz been motivating me to shoot, all tis while. the challenges that every different discipline of sport shooting possesses that makes me wna further my shooting knowledge & technical skills.

i could feel the drive to really start shooting all over again. it's like bac to the basics. back right where i was really hyped up, passionate, motivated, fired up, enthusiastic to shoot air rifle. back right where i first started shooting, where i first touched the air rifle, picked it up, started to shoot on the target.

but only tis time it's a smallbore rifle. i feel i've got much to learn again. and in fact it is. it's like entering a totally new country, juz like how the different countries are on tis planet earth. Earth is shooting. And the countries are the different disciplines.

i can really feel how I first fell in love with shooting. and tis time it's all over again. and the love is even deep now. i'm not sure if i can commit to tis. but the only sport that i'll nvr quit in tis lifetime of mine, it's shooting. i know it cos i can feel it. i think i'll be really sad if i were not be able to shoot one day, even to the extent of breaking down. good or bad scores. singapore team or not. i'll still shoot. all my life. as long as i live.

so. to all out there who reads this. no matter wad. if it's such a sport u love so much. dn give it up within a few years of doing it. go on doing it if u love it so much. if it's such a passion of your life. do it with wadever u've got. for the sake of your passion. nvr give it up in your lifetime. esp, whn u've fallen very deeply in love with it. bcos if u give it up or no longer be able to do it, it's as good as losing someone u love...

问世间情为何物

问世间情为何物;
Ask the world what is love.

life's been boring. again. it always has been since the start of this holidays. well at least it's gna end QUITE soon.

hmm. ve'been training for biathlon shoot which is nxt sun. 200 shots of rifle & 200 shots of pistol. it's gna b super speed shooting for me. n esp. there's been some problems for my rifle ever since i started using my shooting specs since last fri. i can hardly c e target!

ok nvm 'bout that. now. abt the title.

i was sitting in the bus tis afternoon, going towards htns for my training, basically. as usual, listening to my ipod's music. but tis tot kinda struck me n got me thinking real hard.

wad really is love? literally, in the most direct sense that is. not all other kinds of love.

all of a sudden, i found myself thinking that i dn really seem to know wad love meant anymore.

so wad is it? i always hear & see tis everywhere. be it the media, tv programmes, internet, public.

being concerned, caring, helpful, self-sacrificing. feeling attracted. having constant thoughts of the other person. understanding the other half, trusting him/her, protecting, cheering up, feel unpleasant when something may not be right abt him/her. making each other happy, going all out to do smthing the other wants...etc.

is it all that? more than that? & also that special feeling?

i tot to myself. all tis time, that i loved her. was it really love? or was it just a persistent effort that wasnt in anyway related to love? if it was the latter, why do i even persist?

why do we humans, come into tis world to search for a person we love? why?

why do some pple fall in love so easily, yet fall out of it in a such short period time such as a few wks? why is it to some, it's so difficult to fall in love, yet whn they do, they fall out juz as fast as those who fall in one easily.

wad are we really searching for? is it bcos it's related to how we grew up? the environment that we grew up, the way we think, the way we act as we grow?

somehow, i think i've lost the understanding wad love is all abt again. i believe i still love her. & i do.

but havin' thought back to how i hav lived my life, i cant help but think do i really know waz love? details to my younger past can be imagined from wad tis blog states - the life of a lonewolf. put pretty simply, i haven really been living my life communicating much abt myself w the outside world. until the recent years that is. communicating with frens or pple of the same gender was generally a much easier task thn whn i did to the opposite, in the past. but of cos, it's only pple that more or less i know, not those who are total strangers to me.

i kinda realise that in the recent years when i started opening myself up. i do actually communicate more, rgdless of gender. but the thing here is, there's this feeling i get when i communicate with the opposite gender. it gives me a feeling of being close, of being able to share, a lot in fact. you can put it in the way of a confidante. well. somehow. taz e feeling i get. n that was probably how it all started out the way i felt for her. but the feelings somehow went beyond.

as a matter of fact, it seems to me now, that when it comes to sharing the more personal side of me, it's becoming easier but so do i get the same feeling as i did when it started (as stated above). although tis feeling feels very much similar. it doesnt seem to find its way in developing further.

but in the end, here, i've still gotta ask: so wad does the word "love" mean at the end of the day?
and whether i still love her, i cant really say anymore. i know there's still a feeling there. a feeling that i feel, i want to do anything i can for her. until i know wad love is again, probably only thn i'll return...

问世间情为何物。。。

what am i livin' for?

what am i livin' for?

well. results were out ytd. yea. and in fact i felt it was a little unexpected, considering the number of mistakes i made in the exam. and moreover, distinction rate was capped at 5%, so i tot it was kinda difficult. but oh well, the result had a strange turnout.

but couldnt really be bothered with e results anyway. god. n there's still a self-select timetabling to do tis coming tuesday. sighs.

hmm. life hasnt been very interesting at all. ups & dwns are at zero level. tis is pathetic. i really cant stand it any longer. playin' GE everyday. i cant quite stand it. somehow i'm getting tired of playing computer games.

what am i living for everyday? even i wan to know wad i've really been doing. oh god. ARH!!!

coming to shooting. i hav started to train for the biathlon shoot next mth. my standard for pistol shooting really dropped a whole lot since i last shot...like 2 yrs ago, and which lasted like only a few wks? hahahaha. guess it's more training.

alrite. coming bac to the topic. i'm seriously looking for an answer to tis.
it seems there's like a long list of things to do, but i juz dn feel like doing it.
1) mounting my tv onto e wall
2) reading up on ASP.NET & SQL Server
3) reformatting my comp
4) tidying up my room

or maybe it aint that long a list. but it does take quite a while to get those things done.

but. it seems to me that the purpose of living my life has become rather unclear. the short term purpose that is. not the long term one, that is in the future. as a matter of fact, the future one seems kinda vague too. oh...wadever.

my mind is rotting so much, even i'm starting to lose direction of where i'm movin' towards. sighs.

i hav a few big things in mind i wna achieve. but i feel i'm losing grip from wad i'm trying reach out for.
1) bringing NPSC to a whole new level, where wad shooters shld be, and of cos wad a shooting club shld really be.
2) change the world is another big thing. and a humongous thing, in fact. (but dn think on the lines of Evan Almighty. there's no way i'm doing that.)
3) learn new things. try out new things. things with high risk, high experience of adventure.

but there are things lacking to accomplish them. i dno wad exactly it is. is it courage? or is it comradeship?

i feel it's comradeship. but am i lacking courage? i dno.
am i really to seek out a destiny that lonely? to accomplish things on my own, is that wad i'm living for? or am i alrdy losing myself, my mind, and my sanity?

........

mulling thoughts

mulling thoughts

my previous entry had some content to this. so read up if u dn understand.

somethings are not right around here. i dno waz happening. my mind juz probably stuck on to smthing day n nite. n this doesnt happens to be GE.

is it really bcos there's too much time for my mind to wander and think of it again?

i dno if i want to know y. yet, ironically, i've been really bothered by it again & again day by day.

wadever it is...

there's more than just this thought.

since life is pretty much lifeless. since i'm jobless at current state, i've gotta find smthing to do. some new things to do. as much as i wan, asking frens to go out to try new things, practically wad i get is just rejection. just wad the hell is with the world. saying bored urself yet not wanting to try new things. saying not liking the activity when u nvr try it b4. saying tis n that. practically seems to be excuses to me. u saying u'r bored yet not wanting to try out more new things to enrich ur own life. it's not as if it's blardie bz like fucking jcs these days.

jcs. a messed up shit. i dn wna talk abt tis. it'll juz waste my effort typing.

smtimes i really wonder. is it bcos i've been a lonewolf for way too long that i dno how to ask pple to try new things w me. or is it loneliness that lies in my destiny, if so, why do i even try so hard to get her heart...

do i really have to go bac to doing things all by myself?

i hate tis world. smtimes. i hate tis country. smtimes. i hate how it works. i hate smokers. i condemned them. i hate bastards who think they so blardie righteous.

n smtimes, i hate myself...

and there r times when i really fall again, and i dno wad is going on around me yet again.

n one of those times, is now...

near lifeless

near lifeless

well well. hel-loo again. it's been quite a while i must say and it's been pretty long while since i blog. lol.

so where shall i start. hmm. POLY. 1st sem ended. exams were over since 2 wks ago. or was it a wk? ..........

ok nvm. it's over anyway.

so it's e holidays. n it sure is long. a 7 wks break. wooh gna b a refreshing nxt sem.

well not exactly i would say. life became pretty lifeless since e exams ended. god. life's a bore when you have nothing to do. basically i've been rotting at home. playing Granado Espada (GE) day & nite since it's ard e last 90 days b4 it's P2P. well. not exactly "day" either. since it seems that most of the time i spent chionging hovers around 10pm - 4am.

that's waz done at home, in front of the monitor every single day. i'm going GE crazy. it's madness leveling up. hopefully i dn faint at e end of the 90 days.

(ok. i'm starting find that this entry feels pretty lifeless too. probably the person typing this now is feeling way too dead to feel alive. oh god. argh...)

if not for the frequent trainings at htns, i think i'll really have nth to do. it's damn sian lar. wait. not so frequent actually. twice only. maybe i shld increase it. hmmm...

it's really bad if i hav nothing to do. cos i'll start finding crazy things to do. hahaha. LOL. spending money like nobdy's biz is one. which is very bad since my account figs r dropping. need to push up e figs or else i'll b a goner.

n taz where it leads to my next "story". job search. lol.

hopefully this coming monday i'll hav a job to work for 2 wks for adminstrative work. i gotta admit, admin work may kinda suck, but i really cant b bothered tis time since i need to make those figures go up. the other thing is, in fact, i haven really done any serious admin work, or rather the real admin work lar. in a bigger company that is. the prev one that i did, i dn think i would really take that as admin. oh wadever it is. i juz need money n to pass time. i cant b bothered with the rest in tis holidays abt what work is, with the exception of the working hours that is (since i still need to go for training...)

bored. boring. bore out. boredom. lifelessness-craziness.

smthings seem to get worse too. i dno y. but maybe there's too much time for my mind to wander around n keep thinking about smthings. the feeling has been coming back with much intensity. but no matter at this point of time, again i dn wna do anything. i seriously dno wad i can do, n definitely not at tis moment. it's difficult but i sure hope smthing comes out of my effort.

while that is in progress, it's juz bac to near-lifeless life tis holidays. sighs...