learning to love

learning to love

learning to love is indeed much tougher than it seems.
and it is nothing near easy at all.

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you.

gathered this initial 5 points about love. there are more of course.
1) Love is patient
2) Love is kind
3) Love is not selfish
4) Love is thoughtful
5) Love is not rude

but these five are not just any simple statements. they require one to commit and act accordingly, to what is felt as genuine love. these sentences weigh heavier than they speak. and apparently, when i reflect, i realized i'm not even near. am i?

it's such an easy word many people fall into. yet when they're falling out, keeping the word is the hardest thing to do.

yet now, i can't seem to fall asleep...
with endless trains of thoughts flashing and rushing in every direction, on the multiple rail tracks in my mind. i reckon the red lights have broken and so have the train brakes.

perseverance is the only hope to making or breaking. in this learning journey.
so this bird really just have to hold on tight now...

it's not the end

"Even if the sky were to fall,
we shouldn't be so depressed.
What's more, it isn't falling yet.
Nothing is confirmed.

Nothing is confirmed.
All is not lost yet."

signs

signs

"Make your way home safely, for your loved ones"

Most drivers, if you were observant, would have probably notice this on the EMAS on the expressways.

I thought it's kinda heartwarming and felt it's a ringing reminder that out there you know there's someone caring for you. So no matter what, always drive safe.

And it does really dawn upon me about what I do when I drive and how I drive. And who I think about. So, yea...that's all. Short & sweet. haha.

directions

directions

tell me what i should do.
tell me where i should go.
tell me how...

am i really thinking too much?




can i just burst and blow up in all directions?

pouring

pouring

feel like pouring out little big words tonight.

the entries of late definitely have been getting shorter and shorter.

but i know i'm going to bed tonight with:
an unsettled mind
a not-too-happy heart
and just feeling bad...

fallen. once again.

fallen. once again.

from the plateaus i rise. and i thought it would continue that way for a while. but no it didn't. expectations always seem to fall short when you think you're getting better. or maybe expectations just place an extra layer of pressure that's invisible to the conscious mind.

in the recent months, i know i was improving and getting better. but everything right till the past few weeks, just seem to come alive and turn my world right back to how it was - upside down. it's hard not to sigh. seriously.

wondering what happened, yet one just have no clue. trying to pinpoint the reason or cause, yet there's no where to trace back from. i don't know exactly how i'm feeling already. tired? or maybe not... challenged? then again..maybe not too... it feels really weird inside out. i can't seem to stay put and stabilize what's within me.

and yet, it feels no where near a struggle.

but i've fallen, undoubtedly, once again, back on this barren plateau..

i think i'll just go to sleep....

chains

chains

somehow, some things never seem to change.
time and time again, when you thought it's finally not as bad or already gone, things happen and you realize you're back at square one all over again.

these chains never seem to break. it's like when you're not struggling to break free, you don't feel the pain and tension that it's holding you back. but when you do, it feels the same all over because it's cast iron. it's so strong, the thought of just ripping apart a row makes you all weary and weak.

but of course, not all influencing variables have been changed. though it seems time itself is just not powerful enough.

someday, there'll be a breakthrough. but for now, it remains as it is, in its feeble state. vulnerable as before. barely strengthened as it seems.

i need to change this.
i must break these chains.
but the question remains.
how?