unmask the reality

unmask the reality.

i figure i gotta type tis no matter wad. i'm kinda starting to lose my sanity. and i dno wad the hell i would really do. i juz hope i'll still live on. (damn. wad am i saying. i gotta live on, no matter wad.)

it's pretty serious i would think.

a lot has happened the past 2 days since sunday. everything juz went wrong after exams. and i really dn like it. i was hoping to very well take time to enjoy my holidays not alone but with her.

but i knew and i could sense something was totally amiss. everything wasnt right at all. and instincts were true enuf. i'm really at a lost wad to do now. everything juz screwed up. i really wna talk to her now. i'm really wna say sry.

i cannot stand the pain in my heart. it's tearing me really apart. sometimes it beats so fast and hard, i'm scared that i cant even stop it. there's literally no way to numb my heart now. i cant slp. playing games wun help. lost interest in driving, nike+, so many things. i feel so weak all of a sudden. tearing ytd nite didn help much either. i'm feeling the same. in fact, it's worse i think. i cant release tis anguish and i cant numb the ache. it's killing me. if tis goes on, i'll be suffering thru out my holidays and in the end, i doubt i might even work. someone help me.

the pierce into my heart was worse than b4. tis time it felt more like my heart is being minced up. argh!!!!

i've lost one which i knowingly kept lying to myself to hold on. but now with her, i dn wan to let her slip away again. i dn wan another person i love walking out of my life juz right this forever. it's worse than b4. she treats me almost like total strangers now. and it's really ripping me apart. (i know i'm using the same words, but i cant help it. that indescribable tormented feeling and twisted heart inside of me is unbearable.)

juz whn i tot i could really make something good out of tis r/s. tis juz had to happened. i know now it's my fault. but i dn wna lose her. i dn wna cry for another one whole week or even worse.

maybe i'm juz meant to be alone. losing someone i love. no other fear can compare to tis fear. tis fear that could very well kill me. and to numb that fear, it took me so long juz to detach myself away frm the world. i cant bear tis. maybe i shldnt hav entered into tis r/s at all, i shld hav juz stay stuck in my fortress of solitude. now all tis insanity is getting on my nerves.

i wan to salvage tis. i dn wna lose it. and all the more i dn wna let go!

i dn care wad others think anymore. i'm going all out. i cannot lose you...
i really dno waz gna happen to me tis time if i lose another love one. i dn wna know either.
i cant find the motivation like b4 to fight. i'm really tired. i tried so hard. so hard to hope that tis r/s works out. i dn wna lose it all.

tis is the week which i really need the most support. and i tot i could get it from her. but i was all wrong. i lost it all instead.

normal frens? *insane laughters*....it's not normal to me. i rather u take a gun and shoot me. you are literally ignoring me alrdy. is that still frens?

all tis talk abt being superman. it nvr seems the man of steel can fight tis things and even more the sour feeling that comes out of the heart.

i cant afford to lose you.
dn leave me. pls.
i will.....................