the 'broken' leg

the "broken" leg.

3rd day of IT & e-Learning Fair at Funan DigitaLife Mall.

the craziest, strangest, unexpected, "disabling" thing happened to me today.

slightly after 4pm, i took off frm funan to city hall station to take the train home. and soon the FUN was abt to start. so i took the train to marina bay, ensuring that i hav a seat so i could slp! and there it was. frm marina bay, i slept all the way to yishun, w/o waking up. i was so tired i could not even feel myself anymore. and i nearly miss the stop.

tis is where all the FUN began. i had a split second decision to make. cos i was basically half conscious whn i awoke and i realise i had reached yishun station. so i was thinking, shld i juz go on to sembawang and take a u-turn bac after that, or shld i juz quickly get the hell out of there.
i took the latter. and there it was. POMP!

i got out of my seat. and i fell straight to the grd. and i was like DAMN IT, wad the hell. i couldnt even STAND, let alone walk. i think everyone was looking at me, but i couldnt give a damn anyway. i was trying damn hard to stand up, and quickly get the hell out of the train. my whole body and mind was practically not in the correct state of mind. i felt like i could faint any time.

1st fall. out of seat. 2nd fall. nxt step that i took. 3rd fall. near the pole in the centre of the train. 4th fall. juz b4 i go out of the doors. 5th fall. right outside of the doors, beyond the safety yellow lines. i was so freaking desperate to get the hell out of the train. i couldnt even hear the door closing "toot toot toot toot" sound. i dn even know whn the doors were gna close.

i felt like a total handicap at that pt in time. it was like my whole body juz fall on to the grd. i stand up with 2 legs. i fall right back, INSTANTLY. luckily, whn i got out alrdy, there was tis guy who helped me to the marble seats, with me hopping with my right leg. (my left leg was the one that "BROKE".)

while trying to recover/revive my left leg, i sat there thinking: die liao. i'm a goner tis time. i was damn scared my leg has bcome fei4 (worthless/useless in chinese). i dno wad will happen to my shooting career if that really happened.

basically, wad exactly happened between the time frm marina bay to yishun whn i slept was tis: i placed my lower right leg on my left thigh (chinese call it kiao ka). so all the way for that period of time, i juz slept in that position. and by the time i woke up, and i wanted to rush off. i could not stand at all, bcos blood was totally cut off for my left lower leg. even if i could i feel my leg intact, basically bcos the nerves are still connected, but my muscles were too weak to even support my body.

the feeling was terrible and freaky. but with such events or incidents, i think life is more exciting. hahahahaha

reassessment

reassessment.

tis post was also supposed to be two days ago. that is on tuesday. but same reason. too tired. couldnt type. lol.

tis post is gna b a controversial and debating one.

i've observed some things of waz bcoming of us, humans, these few days. and sadly, i find it pretty disappointing.

there was tis encounter two days ago. on tuesday, after kaka, jor, and me left amk hub for amk mrt station. tis rather strange indian guy came up to the platform and quite politely requested/asked for 2 bucks. he explained his reason that he had some fight or riot with his step father or grandfather or smthing like that. thn i cant remb wad else he blabbered abt and he wanted to ask if he could hav that 2 bucks.

i was hesitant. the 3 of us were all hesitant, in fact. we didn give him that 2 bucks in the end, of cos. and, there goes his vulgarities. was it the correct choice? i dno. there were so many doubtful points abt why shld i/we even give him that 2 bucks. first, considering his story, that means he may turn violent, he may steal and run off. second, scolding us vulgarities whn we did not agree to give him wad he asked for. but thn again, can we blame him for that? wad if he really needs it? but to give someone money with such a kind of behavior, i think my decision will stay as a no.

such behavior, it's like a rotten apple in a whole basket of apples. taz why there are pple who starts to kill one another over small matters. wad is the world coming to? looks like that big dream of mine will need to take a major change of plans.

thn again. another scene made me analyse again. i was training today. in the range. there were tis grp of npcc shooters. (i shall not name which sch they were from). they were hardly serious. some were but most werent. fooling ard. endangering their own safety and others ard them. not handling a weapon properly, treating it like a toy. WHAT IS THIS? their t-shirts has a motto behind saying that they'll always strive to be the best. but if that is the best, thn i think if it's the worst, everyone else would have been shot and died.

the way i see it. there's a really major need to reassess how i shld really change or influence pple.

these cadets are now young. but that doesnt mean they can play ard without being conscious of safety. and wad if whn they grow up with or w/o being guided, and carry that kind of attitude still, isnt that worrying and unsafe? (thn there'll b more men carrying rifles out of the camp, terrorists-like pple. etc. is that wad the world will bcome in the future?)

thn i think abt the generations of our future. batch by batch, year by year, i can hardly see a clear road anymore and i feel great disappointment. so many pple tis days cant take much of hardships. some leaders trying to take the soft approach in every blardie way. but whn it doesnt work, those idiots juz refuse to take the hard way. where's the resilience and endurance in our followers, in our people, in us, humans? no wonder pple are saying today's generation are too pampered, and they cant take even a little hardships as compared to the past generations.

is it that bad? does everything hav to seem so hopeless? if there are that many pple that are tis way, thn i think i can alrdy c the end of the world coming.

tis is only a small observation. there's still so many more observations that are needed. the nation, and beyond. going all over the world. looking at them. observe and analyse.

i sure hope things will be more optimistic than these.

The Leap Years

The Leap Years.

ok. tis post was supposed to be typed ytd. but i was too tired to do it. (even now i feel damn tired to do tis. still, i'll type it.)

The Leaps Years was a totally fantastic movie. Anyone who hasnt watch it, shld really catch it while u can. if not, buy the vcd/dvd lor. you wun regret watching the show. whether u watch it with that special someone, ur frens, family, or alone, it's still a great show.

ok. mayb the start was a little boring, a little anti-climatic, and not much of strong illustration of the story. but. BUT. hold on to ur seats. keep watching. it's the later parts that are those powerful ones. those fantastic, marvellous scenes of the movie with impactful and meaningful content that will intrigue u, that is if u understand and are able to feel the emotions (i'm not sure if those who hav watched find that the show has a tinge of abstract meaning, well taz wad i think. some juz might not understand.)

the potrayal of the storyline was done very well. not sure if it's the director's effort or the artistes' one. but i think it's the artistes that did really well in the acting of each of the roles, esp Li Lin(as Li-Ann) and Ananda (as Jeremy). The supporting roles did a great job too, adding humor, ties, and strong frenship to the show. even though i nvr read the novel at all, i can even feel the movie was a well done one. (hmm. mayb i shld start reading. thn soon i'll pick up reading. hmmmm. man. i cant imagine myself picking up reading as a hobby.)

and last but not least. the music. A PERFECT SELECTION/CHOICE of songs used in the film. most of the songs were by corrinne may. and one or two by some other singers. dno who either. the songs were fitted exactly to how it shld feel during the movie. and with the smooth tune and soothing voice, waz there more to ask.

and in a way. the movie was pretty inspirational with all the sayings by renowned writers/inventors (arhh...renowned pple lar. heck with wadever occupation they were.)

The best novelistic film I've seen thus far.

"It's Better to Have Loved & Lost, Than Never to Have Loved At All."
"It is Not in the Stars to Hold Our Destiny but in Ourselves." - William Shakespeare
"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learnt about life: It goes on" - Robert Frost
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it" - Jean de La Fontaine
"If you are not too long, I will wait for you all my life." - Oscar Wilde

Scars (Stronger For Life)

Scars (Stronger For Life) - Corrinne May

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground

You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hands

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger
Scars make us stronger for life

satisfaction. NO.

satisfaction. NO.

back again.

blog entry of the day:
today is sunday, march 9, 2008. it started with a fine day. thn there were showers in the late afternoon. and it's also last day of IT Show 2008. lol.

hav been busy & tired lately. that explains why i haven been blogging.

today's the mthly shoot for HTNS.
well. the total score was pretty decent i could say.
559.

BUT. the series scores werent really smthing for me to boast of. cant exactly remb wad the scores are. will hav to check on that again on tuesday. there were two pretty good series, which are 4th (98) and 6th (97). but my starting few series was bad. really bad. and it pulled me down.

2nd series was an 88. so basically, the series scores were fluctuating frm one to the other. and taz really not my typical performance. it's more consistent for the past few times. i know the reason for my first three series was bcos of trigger freeze. smhow tis problem keeps coming back. and it's starting to irritate me. (it's annoying, alrite!)

hmm.
the satisfaction feeling just hasnt been in me lately. even with scores of 98 & 97, i juz dn feel right. 559 can be a pretty good score and bad as well. but it's not the score that matters more than the processes. smtimes, i juz find it so difficult to perfect my processes and remove that trigger freeze problem. training, hmm, i shld take the chance to train full time tis holidays.

50m prone.

went down to cck after the shoot(and definitely after the lunch that was served abt 1 hr later). today's training felt fruitful. but my left arm still hurts. and somehow my left index finger has that numb feeling. and i dno why. (and it's the finger!!! not the hand.)

endurance timing with smallbore rifle is now abt 35 mins. which is an improvement. but with an air rifle, i can do abt 40 min. but still, i need to improve more. (and more. and MORE!!!) didnt really took time to look at my shots after training today though. was rushing to keep the rifle by thn alrdy. so i juz dumped everything in my luggage (damn. it's gna smell again. esp whn my innerwear has not dry yet.)

the only thing that i found kinda negative was my endurance for the number of shots. 1st round, i had 40 shots continuous, with a bit of releasing to let the blood flow that is after one round of 20 shots. thn subsequent 2 rounds of 20 shots, i could not stay down for longer than one round. it was pretty tiring. actually i think i could tahan on for another set of 20 shots. but i felt if i took the rest, my shots would be better.

hmm. one thing to note was my breathing routine for prone. i need to develop a constant routine for that.

still, today felt good. but i'm still not satisfied at tis standard. i hav to train more. yes. A LOT MORE. (mayb i shld consider training full time for both. even on weekends. hmm. might not be a bad idea afterall. but that'll mean i'll hav to sacrifice a lot of things. on second tots, i think i shld consider tis properly.)