yet another disappointment

yet another disappointment.

tis post is response to my prev post.

today was a big disappointment for me. a harsh disappointment that reminded me of a similar past event which made me feel disappointed in myself. tis means, it's the second time tis has happened. *sighs*

i wasnt prepared to face tis disappointment yet again. i nvr thought i'll screw up so badly after putting in so much effort to prepare for tis BCOMM presentation. all over that one word: nervous. it's such a great pity.

abt the past event. it was also a presentation. a group one. that was on an environmental competition. it wasnt nervousness that killed me here. but rather it was having to burn the wrong files into the disc. the files werent the finalised ones. by the time we realised that, it was too late cos it happened during the presentation itself. tis sucks big time esp whn we spent 3-4 mths putting that much effort, having late or even sleepless nites, into such a great thing that came down to a waste in the end. and i was the one who screwed it...

till now, i still feel very bad wad happened tis morning. i'm still dwelling on it. and tis sucks too, esp it's the second time alrdy.

the moment i return to my seat. i was filled with anguish and i was like: man. i'm so totally screwed tis time. i cant help it but all other moods or enthusiasm to do any other things juz disappeared. i was like emo-ing the whole day after my turn ended.

it's not abt not doing well to score that 5% assessment. but rather it's bcos i did not put in the best or the better i could've done. smthing that i truely stick to: put ur best into anything u do, and enjoy the process of doing it. and it was smthing i could not achieve today all over that one word.

it's disappointing. and i really cant think of any other words to replace it bcos i cant think properly even till now.

prolly some pple would hav thought that i was fine seeing me playing games not long after. but that was more like a mask i'm wearing. not wanting to worry my frens ard me, even though deep dwn i felt really sad. behind that mask, it's still me, dwelling on smthing i shldnt be dwelling on.

i hate tis. and i feel like crying again all of a sudden.
guess it juz goes to show how impt i look at tasks assigned for me to be done. esp whn i'm performing so off-form & my best is not there....

tis disappointment. why doesnt it seem to end?