Friday, October 20, 2006

Graduation Day

Graduation Day

well...wad can i say? it's been a long 4 yr journey in tis sch, w all e ups & downs that i had went thru, which have enriched my life here. n it all ends today.

there was a solemn atmosphere. e sadness that was in e air kinda triggers one's tears...but it seemed that there was only a small handful who had cried. me? well, it's typical. tears did go on n off. always trying to hold back my tears. each time e water in my eyes is gonna overflow, it would stop n slowly flow down to e nose...n then i'll blow my nose n e wheezing sound goes off...haha. seriously, it wasn't much of a crying day. i tot i would tear, n as expected, i did...but not to e exaggerated extent.

so waz tis entry abt then? i dun think i wan to narrate out e whole ceremony but as i listen to tis graduation song, memories dwell in my mind & also, i wan to repeat or say wadever i wan w wadever time i hav left. i know i'll come back to tis sch still, but i also know i wun b able turn back to my past again. n also bcos, i dno if i'll hav any other days, anymore.

frens:
it's been a great time thru out tis 4 yrs. whether we really know each other well, regardless of how many yrs, classmates, sch mates, thanks a lot for contributing urself to b part of our memories in tis sch. let's all do our best in e Os, bcos we all know we can do it. Believe it to live it, we've got e potential.

e usual gang:
vocab not strong enuf to describe everything lar...haha. simply put, fun times & sad times. each n every one of u hav been unique in ur own ways, n that's wad make tis frenship really special n worth cherishing. honestly speaking, though i love to b a lonewolf many times, i'm afraid myself, that i might lose everybody someday. i hope it wun b that way. it's e final phase now. i know we all can do it well, so we must put in everything we've got to get wad we wan. Let's do it!!!

teachz:
e 2 form teachz, ms yeo n ms chiang; e co-form, mdm cao; el, ms soh; e & a math, mr teo; physics, mdm tan; chem, mdm chan; bio, ms ng; CL, zhang lao shi n dai lao shi. whichever subjects u do teach me, waz more impt to me is that all of u hav made that big difference in my life. infinite thks to all. to e 2 forms n ms soh, i'm really grateful for everything, esp. ms yeo n ms soh. e times i spent chatting w both of u online, it's really wonderful. i cant thk u all enuf. pple always say students make teachers wanna cry. but u teachers really make me wanna cry instead. as it is rite now, i'm tearing indeed. growing out of my thick lonewolf skin, every thank you that u do say to me for wad i hav done, it's like some feeling i cant really describe. but tis feeling always leads to my tears when i think, one day we'll part. it's saddening bcos i'm scared. scared to b all alone again.

finally,
her:
it's a long time since i've really speak my heartfelt words to u. so tis para is, again, for u. i juz wanna re-emphasise that i do still love u till now. i'm still waiting. waiting on n on, as long as i need to. no matter wad, i wun give u up. n well, i've now officially graduated from YTSS. i dunno how often more will we really c each other. i juz know my love will stick to u, regardless of any obstacles, b it distance, time, wadever it is. less than 2 wks left to ur 1st ever O lvl paper, how u feel? i'll b taking that paper on that day as well. so all e best to u, bcos u can do well. u juz need to hav some confidence n believe in urself. as for me, u shld know my style, i prefer no one wished me luck...haha. ;)...n of cos, not 4getting my other O papers, it'll come fast n end fast. but waz more is how fast n well i prepare myself for it. so, on tis note, let's all strive our best n excel together all e way.

We Will Excel!!!

Friday, September 29, 2006

disappointment

disappointment.
&
a shattered dream.

shld i laugh or shld i cry? i hav no idea. if i laugh, e laughter is bitter. if i cry, e tears r bitter too. almost all e results of tis prelim hav been made known to me. waz left is physics n CL. rite now, i'm so totally depressed. i'm so disappointed in myself, n even more so, her. i cant bring myself to face her anymore. e prelims, was a total messed up. haiz.

everything seems at its worst now. or probably there's smething much worse? i so dun wanna know.

everything just didnt work out in tis exam. e only thing tat worked out was EL. but to only do well in one sub....waz e DAMN pt...?!! all my other god damn subs screwed up like some blardie freaking shit. waz e damn pt of getting a better grade in EL, to only do badly in e other subs? it just cancels out e whole damn benefit. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN??? WHY?!!!

i cant find e cause. i dno wad e cause is. but i've identify 2 possibilities but there could just b even more of it. just wad is e damn cause? wad is that damn blardie ROOT CAUSE of all tis shit i'm suffering.

emath: cant even get my a1. PATHETIC
comb humanz: ss was a total wasted piece of shit! so wad if i've crapped my way thru geog well enuf. SO WAD?!
chem: paper 2 section A was totally off wad i'm suppose to get. QA screwed my whole practical. DAMN IT. not even an a2.
amath: hmph...both papers r a total bullshit. a c5 juz makes my L1R5 worse. just might as well blow me up w a c4.
bio: speechless. nth to say abt it.

unknown:-
physics: 4get it. i dun wanna know e results anymore. i've given up on it for tis prelim.
CL: only miracles will revive it.

my mind is a battlefield inside. my feelings r all messed up. i dun even know wad i truely feel anymore. anguish; sadness; confusion; madness. a really devastated soul.

e situation is juz a big mess. i'm totally numb over PAE alrdy. e 1st 3 mths. i dun even know if wanna go anymore. i'm juz too undecided. or shld i say i'm more decided on juz giving up e damn admission for e 3 mths. practically, my mind is probably 95% for giving it up, but unless e mere 5% can do miracles. but, an untold future holds me now. i dno anything anymore. i dun wanna know either.

my dreams r juz shattered. not being able to make it to HC is bad enuf. waz more if my dream of getting to a averagely gd JC is gone. haiz. so down. so depressed. so disappointed.

i feel as if i've let down so many pple. all those pple out there who is supporting me, who knows abt my dream, who cares for me. i feel so bad that i disappointed esp ms yeo n her. nth gets worse. but no one will understand how disappointed i am, how bad i feel towards them...

Monday, September 25, 2006

assembly 25-9-06

assembly 25/9/06

e P gave a talk during e assembly today. a talk w a purpose n w some power in it. hmmm. i must say it triggered my thinking indeed. there's only abt 41 daes b4 e written Os n things dun seem to b in place. e fact is: it's serious.

P had a point there when he said: "study 10 hrs, 15 hrs blah blah blah....if u need." but i tot otherwise. i tot that sacrifice as much as u can, just for tis final phase. e sacrifice will do much. still, my tots r somehow similar to wad he said. haiz...

r we still slacking? that's a key qn. somehow, i get e feeling i still do. things r alrdy as bad as it is now. my prelims results wun get me anywhere i wan, n i am sure of it. PAE to HC, it's a little out of e way if i'm using tis set of results. i can practically 4get abt e whole 3 mths things trying to get to HC, unless a miracle do happen in e appeal, which e chances r way low.

i dno wad is happening anymore. my drive is there, but actions just arent taken. where am i really heading. if tis keeps up, even e only hope in JAE to HC will extinguish. haiz. i, too, dno waz gonna happen next.

41 daes. one goal. one time.
1 goal: HC
1 time: e 1 n only Os
i'll definitely pull thru tis 41 daes b4 e Os, n 2 wks to e end of e Os. but wad matters more is, wad is gonna happen in tis nxt 41 daes. tis is so damn freaking bad.

PLAN. a revision timetable. not sure if it'll really work tis time, but i guess i juz hav to really stick to it n i juz hope that i'll really do it.

i cant lose another chance. e final one. all my hopes to HC r pinned down on JAE now. i dun care wad it's gonna take to get my goal n my L1R5.
2 things, final say:
college:
HCI

L1R5:
7