IFAWC 11/12
this year's Inter-Formation Air Weapons Competition is the only new learning experience for me. in fact, the competition and the journey taken towards preparing for the competition itself, presented to me many more learning opportunities than I could have realised since the beginning.
Failing to meet my own goal for another competition once again, has put me into after-tears. The same feeling that had caused me to feel lousy and blame myself, once again makes its presence known. The devastation and self-blame that have weighed me down for many many years. The anguish and pain that was last felt 5 years ago. But that's only because this time, I believed a team existed. A team beside me to tell me don't give up. A team that knows the outcome was not the most important.
How could have I been so selfish these past 5 years? Shooting out there recognising that all that mattered then was myself. A self-imposed thought that I didn't even noticed. But I guess it's not too late to right the wrongs, is it?
Today was the day of my match. Caught a viral flu last week and I have, since, yet to recover from it. In fact, I don't even know if my body is dealing well. Well, it definitely doesn't seem and feel like it. From the moment I had KFC blueberry pancakes breakfast, my appetite already felt uneasy. When I started the match, I was mentally prepared to do everything., from adjusting every part of the weapon: trigger, cheek-piece, butt-plate, to integrating my soul with a weapon that was not the one I have been training with. The initial anxiety was there. It was normal. Slight tremors in the legs, etc. Everything unexpected or that wasn't part of the initial routine was recognised and I had no problems recovering. Though focus and concentration got strayed at times.
The only thing and that one thing that I had no control over was the condition of my body. I felt so weak taking every shot. Every muscle tissue in the body literally had this numb aching sensation, and with each forceful cough, more energy got expanded, muscles got weaker and weaker, the head got heavier and much heat feels trapped in the body. It was like shooting with a temperature above 38.0 degrees Celsius. You bet it sucked, big time. I barely perspired in a event that a slight perspiration was normal due to anxiety. Cold sweat was more evident, I think.
Honestly, for probably one of most rarest occasions, I felt like just giving up and have a DNF indicated beside my score. It was so hard and painful to take every shot knowing that the body could give way any time and this would be one of the worse performance at any major competition in my shooting career, ever. But I know couldn't have just give up. Because of one 294-page book that re-aligned my perspectives of being a sportsman, of being a true athlete. I had to finish what I started. And I'm proud of myself for truly having done so and be able stay calm and not swayed by so many distractions. Even though it wasn't the best performance, it wasn't a performance that guaranteed medals, I know and recognise that this was as near the best I can go. For that, I am the winner in my own league.
The preparations taken towards this very match today, also presented me many new challenges. Having been informed a month before the actual day that weapon accessories were not permitted and having trained so long in a position that had accessories attached to the weapon, I was forced to change my position and supporting grip. And I thought the biggest challenge of all was to get accustomed to the new stance in that one month period. But no, that wasn't it. Because of the inadequate time for proper training and recovery, over-training caused my supporting arm some injuries which if I persisted to train, it would have gotten worse. The only thing beneficial to the arm was rest. And how else could I have trained? The mental range - visualisation.
The rest from physically being at the range to train also allowed me more time to take time to work on my mental skills. That included picking up a book I left to pick up dust, to read. This is the same 294-page book I mentioned above. Thinking Body Dancing Mind by Chungliang Al Huang and Jerry Lynch. It is a marvellous book and anyone who is looking to improve just even one aspect of their life, business and/or sport should start reading it.
Well that's about long enough for this post. I need my rest. Don't wanna be spending my Chinese New Year in this sickly state, much less to say for my IPPT which is next week!
But most of all that cannot be missed is that I wanna extend my gratitude to the whole 9DIV/INF team, no matter what scores we achieved in these past 2 days. We are champions in our own league and recognise that we have controlled what we could and done our best. Even though it will be the only journey I would take in my service period, it has been and it will be one of the best journeys I have been on in years.
