my hunger strikes.
7th NUSIS. 2008. 4th & final day.
physical & mental exhaustion. lack of slp.
550. last series 86.
i feel pretty lucky that i was still able to touch the 550 mark. all thanks to a great load of mental prep. although i feel pretty much emotionless to how i shot, there's still a tinge of disappointment. i'm contradicting myself. mayb it's mixed feelings again. juz prolly that tis mixture turned out to react and become clear instead.
i confess that i haven really put much time and effort into training. not being able to perform was pretty much expected. my original target was a 560. but well. i fall short of 10 pts. wad can i really say? overcommitment is bad. but undercommiting is even worse.
i dn wna start finding excuses for myself that i cannot train. i wna start training, seriously and intensively. time is a major factor. i know. my studies are taking up a lot of my time, esp projects. being in the management committee for my club is another heavy challenge. adding on to the lists? my driving lessons. all tis are prolly the only main reasons that are preventing me from training enough. the big 3. all other challenges i've set for myself tis academic semester, i can prolly treat those as excuses.
i feel really tired now.
throughout the whole competition, i was doing deep breathing exercises to calm myself down. the adrenal rush still stays in me. i need to clear it or at least minimise it, to curb my anxiety. my processes weren't really well done today. and consistency on the inside was definitely something i could hardly even achieve. feelings were constantly on the change. the deep breathing took so much of my time, that i failed to manage my time well. resulting in my last 2 series to be pretty much screwed. (esp. MY LAST SERIES!)
i really need to train. i really wan to train. i must and i will. i had enough of all tis bullshit. i need do more trainings for air rifle, including even more competition trainings. and i gna have to brush up my prone a lot too, if i ever wan to turn that investment at cck to my advantage.
i can feel that will and ability to do well. but to unleash that strength, i hav to harness it well. i firmly believe i can do better than even a 572 - a PB since 4th NUSIS, 2005. i can feel it. i can feel myself unappeased once again. the strong unsatisfaction and that hunger which is begging to devour larger appetites. i'm not happy. definitely not.
i cant stand facing the same kind of standards for...so many mths alrdy. enough is enough. it's time to get serious. it's abt time i stop fooling ard and high time that i start serious competitive training. the physical environment shall not be something i wan to live in anymore. it's the mental environment. i will fight my way back and i will stop at nth to return and go beyond where i once was.
juz wait and see. i'll make sure that happens.
