disappointment

disappointment.
&
a shattered dream.

shld i laugh or shld i cry? i hav no idea. if i laugh, e laughter is bitter. if i cry, e tears r bitter too. almost all e results of tis prelim hav been made known to me. waz left is physics n CL. rite now, i'm so totally depressed. i'm so disappointed in myself, n even more so, her. i cant bring myself to face her anymore. e prelims, was a total messed up. haiz.

everything seems at its worst now. or probably there's smething much worse? i so dun wanna know.

everything just didnt work out in tis exam. e only thing tat worked out was EL. but to only do well in one sub....waz e DAMN pt...?!! all my other god damn subs screwed up like some blardie freaking shit. waz e damn pt of getting a better grade in EL, to only do badly in e other subs? it just cancels out e whole damn benefit. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN??? WHY?!!!

i cant find e cause. i dno wad e cause is. but i've identify 2 possibilities but there could just b even more of it. just wad is e damn cause? wad is that damn blardie ROOT CAUSE of all tis shit i'm suffering.

emath: cant even get my a1. PATHETIC
comb humanz: ss was a total wasted piece of shit! so wad if i've crapped my way thru geog well enuf. SO WAD?!
chem: paper 2 section A was totally off wad i'm suppose to get. QA screwed my whole practical. DAMN IT. not even an a2.
amath: hmph...both papers r a total bullshit. a c5 juz makes my L1R5 worse. just might as well blow me up w a c4.
bio: speechless. nth to say abt it.

unknown:-
physics: 4get it. i dun wanna know e results anymore. i've given up on it for tis prelim.
CL: only miracles will revive it.

my mind is a battlefield inside. my feelings r all messed up. i dun even know wad i truely feel anymore. anguish; sadness; confusion; madness. a really devastated soul.

e situation is juz a big mess. i'm totally numb over PAE alrdy. e 1st 3 mths. i dun even know if wanna go anymore. i'm juz too undecided. or shld i say i'm more decided on juz giving up e damn admission for e 3 mths. practically, my mind is probably 95% for giving it up, but unless e mere 5% can do miracles. but, an untold future holds me now. i dno anything anymore. i dun wanna know either.

my dreams r juz shattered. not being able to make it to HC is bad enuf. waz more if my dream of getting to a averagely gd JC is gone. haiz. so down. so depressed. so disappointed.

i feel as if i've let down so many pple. all those pple out there who is supporting me, who knows abt my dream, who cares for me. i feel so bad that i disappointed esp ms yeo n her. nth gets worse. but no one will understand how disappointed i am, how bad i feel towards them...