it's all a lie
i'm laughing at the word phoenix. hahaha. wad a lie it feels like now. it's so unbecoming of me to be feeling like this lately. i've lost so many perspectives and focuses in the mere weeks of late but at the same time, it looks like i've gained new perspectives but it all feels just so cynical.
i'm losing the drive. no. in fact, i think i've lost it. every part of me is just going haywire and there's no way for me to rewire back. it's been so perplexing to not stop thinking and wondering. i feel like my brain's on the edge of madness if i dn stop thinking. i just wan it to shutdown, the analytical systems to shut down. i really wonder how it is like just to have some simple thoughts and not thinking anything more than that. it's just so contradicting to ask myself whether i should b listening and acting upon my heart or my mind. i'm feeling such intense physical and mental exhaustion, i just wna keep on slping (and no! it's not anything near suicidal, that is if ur tots are getting wild. i'm just so tired...)
maybe it's just me but everything has just been feeling so indifferent...or is the other way round? maybe..it's the latter. sigh..there's so many thing i wna type. but i dno where to start. i just dno wad to do anymore. nothing probably seems to feel right lately, no matter how i try.
for everyone that has been asking me of my well being. i thank you and apologize for the cause of worry, disappointment and however i may have made u feel. it's definitely a lie to say that i'm all well bcos i'm not anywhere near it either. but i guess, if u knew who i was back in 2007, you're just prolly looking at a soon to b dead man. that guy is gonna disappear from the face of this earth soon. my values stay but my perspectives is just not the same anymore...
