pain

pain

my heart is aching. a lot. i dunno y...but i know it's tearing me apart.

e pain i feel. e ache i get. it's so immense, i'm practically being spilt apart. e feeling my heart gets, it is juz too strong; it's too painful for me to bear...

dunno y...but probably wad i hear or see seems to affect me a lot. i seemed to b swayed by wad happens around me. bcos i can't accept it?...i dunno

is it really true? is wad i hear n see true? i so wanna know. but i am holding back, bcos i'm scared.

urgh...my heart juz hurts a lot...

my heartache juz breaks me apart...

Actual EL Prelims

Actual EL Prelims

tot i post something tis wk b4 e actual O lvl prelims taz gonna take place nxt monday, juz to empowered myself into e state of mind to do well, n i mean real well, for my EL paper...

well, yups..EL prelim 2 is coming n i'm left w 6 days. it's gonna b tough to improve a lot in such a short time but i'm gonna try to achieve it. it's for real, tis time's EL is a one time thing n it's one darn impt paper b4 e actual O lvl paper...GOTTA GET IT RIGHT!!!

i dun care waz gonna come my way for tis wk. hmewk, tests, wadever u can name...i am not gonna bother...it's time to really pia for EL. wad bio TYS, geog analysis, a math papers, humanz related wk....a math test, development test, map reading test [except tmrw's chem practical tat is...haha]....all of tis, 2 words: 4GET IT! now aint e time to b trying to clear all tis freaking hmewk debt. it's e time to work hard n go all out for e EL paper nxt wk. i dun care waz e teacher is gonna say, i dun care how e teacher is gonna chase after me....i dun care. all i care now, is wad i can score for e paper nxt wk...

nth is gonna deter me from gettin' down to serious, real serious biz. i wan my A, i wan my target to b hit, all tis for Os...n i wan tat 3 months PAE. if i dun get my best shot at nxt wk's paper, there'll nvr b one more. i wan to score, i will score, I MUST SCORE...no matter wad, by hook or crook, dead or alive, i must DO IT...!!![mind u, by crook doesnt mean cheating...dun start to think wildly...haha...]

let's do it...tis is one n only prelim we're gonna hav. 4get every subject for now...e main priority for now is EL, i'm going full blast at it....i'll do wad is necessary, i'll do wadever it takes, no excuses, no other hmewk...only EL...

I MUST GET WHAT I WANT...!!!! THERE IS NO OTHER OPTIONS!!!

Resurrection

Resurrection of e flamin' phoenix...

...Tears of gratitude

e flamin' phoenix has been resurrected. he is burning w an even stronger n hotter flame tis time...n he's back for GOOD. well at least until e Os end tat is. bcos rite now, e key of fire has reignited his flame once again, giving him a whole new evolved sense of strength n power...

yes...my key of fire has been found, n i'm back. it's me again...e FULL VER. OF E REAL ME...haha. i found my way - e way tat i'm goin to strive for my As in e Os including CL. though i know tat it may not necessarily b a foolproof one, but w my renewed strength n determination, i'm sure i'll do my best...i'm sure i can ACHIEVE...! w constant motivation tat i get from myself n things around me, i'll do it, do it beyond e limitations of anything...

now...how did i ever find tat key? simple. haha. well, then again, not all tat simple actually. for e past few days, i've been struggling to find it. but it juz kinda came to me last nite juz b4 i sank into my slumber. strange, i tot. of all times, it chose to reach me in e middle of e nite...haha. well, wad happened was tat i suddenly started to think n i found e only way tat was able to keep me empowered until i finished my Os. n bcos of tat, i achieved tat breakthru - to return for good n fight on as long as i live...

so in tis entry, besides juz plain elaboration of my "resurrection", tis entry is also dedicated to those who hav helped me along as i fought hard to get my real self back. so instead of "tears of gratitude", it'll actually sound more like "words of gratitude". i put "tears" cos it sounded better...haha

i wan to thank a lot of my frenz...w them, i know therez still care in e world. w/o them, i think my sorrows would hav suffocated me to death...

so to tis list of pple here, thks alot...
maung, kelvin, kai sheng aka KAKA, kian ming

n to tis pple...i really wan to give special thks to...tat had comforted me w their voices, heard me, n even to e extent of scolding sense into me...haha...i cant thk u enuf...
wenyi, ms yeo, n esp. sandy...

thks everyone...i know u'all there beside n behind me. thks for ur support n everything. i'll make it to my dreams...i muz n i wont wanna disappoint u all...(=

e flamin' phoenix rages on...