Sometimes, you've just gotta lose
Ehlow Everybuddeh!
A new year, a new start! Haven't you got sick of that sentence already? It's been about a month since I last posted anything. But even the previous post was nothing much to speak about. So in actual fact, I felt like I haven't blog for a really long while. (No wonder I felt the last time I PROPERLY blogged was ages ago.)
Lots of things have been happening. 2010 ain't starting well for me. I've been clothing on a different outlook and seemed like I've been really positive, strong and fighting on and on. But somehow, it seems to struck me when thoughts just bombard my head. So afterall, I haven't been really strong. And to make things worse, there are many realisations lately which have aroused a major disappointing feeling in me.
I don't know what to make out of it. I am feeling so mixed. Thinking about what's gonna happen next and in time to come, it's good and also bad. How ironic!
Monthly shoots this month are both hopeful-turned-into-mess. That proves one thing, harboring too much hope in your mind gets you no where because you're gonna be lying out of the focus zone. At least that seems true for me. Prone was a lost of familiarity. I couldn't get into right position until the shoot was halfway through for me. That was when I started recalling and piecing together the image of the position of another shooter I was mimicking back in Nov 2009. Air Rifle? HAHAHA. It was a total lost of control. I was fighting a war in my head that morning. I doubt I was even shooting at the 10m targets. My face, after the shoot, could only be described as: darker than charcoal. SERIOUSLY. NOTHING LESS. It's been depressing so far, very depressing.
Oh and did I mention? This post is gonna be very very long. So if you wanna stop now, your eyes will be grateful of you.
Another depressing realisation: I think I've been taking many things for granted of late, especially in Shooting. First, I realised when I had to pay for this month's Air Weapons Monthly Shoot because it was a late registration, I was unwilling to pay. I first asked YJ to help me sign for the monthly shoot on the day before, which was the last day of registration! But it slipped his mind. So when I realised I haven't been registered for the shoot on the following day and I had to pay the penalty fee of $5 for late registration, the will to shoot on that Sunday diminished almost entirely. The thing here is, it was fault on my part that I did not register early for it. My friend did forget to help me with it. But I can't fault another for my own wrongdoings. It was my own responsibility as a shooter to make that effort to register. And I have not been really training regularly either. It has been like a warm-up round just before the monthly shoot. Having provided with the privileges of being a Category B shooter, it seems like I am far from maxmising these benefits given to me and delivering out the possible improvements in my performance. Just because training fees are waivered, I feel like I've lost that commitment to train, yet again. Words of Coach Song ring in my head. And it feels of a definite disappointment.
I am not sure about taking things for granted about my surroundings. I'm sure there is, too. But I haven't given much deep thought about them. This...Shooting portion, holds the most sensitive trigger to that thought of taking things for granted.
"When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude."-G.K. Chesterton, essayist, novelist and poet.
"Life is a gift. Never take it for granted."-Sasha Azevedo, American actress, athlete and model.
War in my head reminds me of another wise sentence - You've gotta lose some battles in order to win the war. And that is also how the song - The Climb by Miley Cyrus - has been made my daily dose of spiritual ecstasy recently. That almost similar phrase/sentence from the song lyrics: Always gonna be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Though I know there are people and many others with different opinions about the singer, the song, the music, etc. Whatever it is, I am pretty sure it makes much sense by saying that you can't disagree with me that the lyrics of this song is wonderfully inspiring.
It's 17:20 14/01/2010 in the office now and I've gotta pause here. Because in order for me to continue the next part, I need my ecstasy to lift me back up. So...*press pause*
Then again, i'm back here. it's 12.41am now. but i guess i won't be continuing. i can't seem to get the feeling...oh well...
