impeccable disaster
85+87+85+89+82+86 = 514
unbelievably full of 80s plus series. not even a single series that goes 90 and above. today's monthly shoot was major disaster but it also brought in a whole lot more learning points and necessary commitments to come. everything just went wrong when the shoot started. how ironic it was to feel that i was in control the whole time right until b4 the shoot.
reached the range just as preparation time started. (yes i know, it's not doing any good to reach the range right on time b4 the shoot. so i dn need reminders for that...) anyway, throughout the journey to the range, i felt in total control of time and everything. i knew i could do it. i knew i could execute wadever i shld and i knew i could finish everything on time. but somehow that did not turned out how i knew it would be.
proceeded on with the normal routine of drawing weapons and laying out the equipment while having music plugged in. checked the necessary things (almost all..), filled my pelletbox (here's one mistake already.), started to suit up and with my pants and boots done (there's another learning point made here. more likely a point relearned), i was about to do some dry-firing without the jacket. turned out i didn check my rifle all that properly and i realised something was shaky on my rifle, as i shook it. found out that it was my rear sight raiser that came loose, slightly. so there i walked to my locker, took out the sight raiser tools, and walked back and tightened my sight raiser. it was still within prep time.
couldnt be bothered with dry firing w/o jacket anymore and so i juz put the jacket on. anxiety was starting to build up and the loose sight raiser distracted my thoughts, even though i've already tightened it and double-checked it. (distractional control juz didn kick in and i couldnt recover frm that loose distraction, somehow...) by now, it was already 15 mins into the shoot. others were banging away and i was dry-firing with a few more shooters at the ending lanes.
dry-firing was a total mess. no matter how i got into position, stepping in and out of the bay to find my natural alignment, i couldn't settle down and find it. something was wrong. when i tot i felt more or less steady and started my sighter shots, the sighters juz didn help in settling me dwn to start my competition shots. stability was getting worse and worse shot after shot and holding bac the trigger longer and longer made things worse. whn i pulled my first shot, everything blew. 8 followed by 9 and by 8 and 8...and it goes on. along the first two series there were even 7s that followed. the bullseye was like a untouchable dot. somewhere in the middle of the third series, i juz couldn't stand it any longer. cutting another low 7 juz made me stop, unbutton and unzip everything. sat dwn and retied my right boots lace. felt more comfortable soon after cos the tightness of the boot was starting to hinder my comfort. but it still wasn't right.
emotional control was another major fault. not being able to release the frustration caused by poor shots, shot routines and overall stability in a less violent manner put the whole mental state in an emotional distress. part of the mind was overwhelmed by the fact that time was against me. with a vulnerable mental state of mind, the distractive predators grew both from inside and outside. my mind was a prey crying out in struggle to recover. the body grew even tense with time and it wasnt helping especially with muscles tightening up.
with all the chaos consuming me inside out, i was left with one belief to hold on to: Finish this no matter what. Just keep shooting, fast enough to clear these 60 shots by 11.15am(the end time).
by then, it didn matter to me anymore. whether it was a 7, 8, 9 or 10. trigger freezes still occurred. banging machine, and inconsistent routines were all executed. let all frustration and anxiety undo themselves in one way or another. it didn matter to me how they were all released. having not finished shooting 60 shots twiced at prone, i made sure i nvr will and ever again let that happen especially not in an event that i hav shot for nearly 6 years now. i was on the edge of misery.
it felt really miserable right after my last shot. i threw everything out. KT glove pulled out and threw. Contact glove pulled out and threw. Knobloch specs unwore and threw, and it dropped on the floor even. unbuttoned jacket, thrusting my anger into taking it off and dumping it on the chair. did the same to my inner wear. i was in total disbelief as to how i shot the whole competition.
thrown right into deep tots, i could barely even fake a smile. in a state of total disgruntlement, i juz lost it. i lost everything today...
