trigger the courage
juz came back frm cck. frm today's prone mthly shoot. my 3rd one. and there's only two words to describe it: totally screwed.
tis time it was worse but it was better as well. well, you must be thinking doesnt that sound contradicting? well yea, it does. but it was worse than even the first prone mthly shoot i shot bcos i fell short of time again. this time i had 3 shots less. (and how much is that? 30 points. 30 POINTS LEH!!!)
the good thing is that my series scores are climbing. which is good. but the not-so-good thing is that it's not all that consistent yet. my 2nd series dipped below 90.
but coming bac to the actual question. why cant i finish another competition yet again? it's the 2nd time tis year for me to be termed DNF again....although not on the score sheet but deemed DNF by myself. and it's twice within 2 mths! this is crap.
it's my aiming time. my courage and my trigger. i realised i hav been lacking a lot of confidence and courage for a long while. few years in fact. it's not helping. it's hindering me. i gotta work on my trigger for both air and prone. courage and confidence are also two other things to build up, not only for air & prone, but also something else.
looks like one of my goals is struck off alrdy. and i really need more trainings for prone. consistent training. if it's not the financial part taz preventing me frm training more, i would've did so long ago. it's tough trying to keep up with my spending (or rather investment) in prone and at the same time, earn or save enough to recoup my savings back to a safe level of figures. i've minus-ed off so many of my spendings on all other things - clothes, fashion, unnecessary stuff, etc. i've haven spend anything on these for a long time alrdy. i wna get a new pair of shoes but i cant. i wna get a new pair of jeans but i cant either. there's so many things i cant buy now.
i wonder how long i can last in live firing if tis keeps up. getting into NTT isnt something taz gna happen tis year and definitely cutting dwn trainings in the nxt 3 mths is not gna help get me anywhere nearer NTT.
i really hav to find back that courage in me and be bold to fire. i hesitate too much. mayb taz why i'm losing so many things ard me now, which i really dn want that happening for real.
transport is another major problem at cck. oh man. darn that stupid driving licence. grrr.
(something inside of me tells me i shld leave everything behind for now and come back a few years later. shld i? i hav no idea. maybe it lacks courage again to execute.)
