unrecognised

unrecognised.

feelings of fear, frustration, anger.

it all sounds murderous. and taz precisely wad i'm frightened of at tis very moment. i've changed. so much. sometimes i dn even consciously realise it myself. i dno wad i'm becoming. it seems to have gotten worse since the last time. much much worse.

that rash, impulsive anger. unhesitative thinking. it leads me further and further to someone i've totally nvr met b4. someone i fear so much that if he takes over me, i dno wad i can do. and there's no stopping to wad i can do. esp with my crazy beliefs.

it seems so scary sometimes. but wad really made tis unrecognisable nitemare? is it bcos of all the tolerance. is it bcos of all the built-up anger. or is it bcos tis environment juz cant stop getting worse, that i had enuf of it.

i'm losing words to say. i dno waz to become of me as time goes on. that fear may very well destroy me. all i've worked for, things that i called passion & interests, it might juz wipe off my mind if ever a day i surrender to that nitemare. and i would prolly vanished frm the face of tis earth. forever.

tell me, superman, wad would u hav done if tis was happening to you.

light cars are not my type.

light cars are not my type.

alrighty. finally an entry in a long long time. tis post is gna be short. i'm tired alrdy.

today's my 1st practical driving lesson. and as you can read frm the title. you shld b able to more or less think why such a title.

anyway. lesson was pretty much interesting. basically cos i'm finally able to drive a real car? not like go-karts or anything. BUT a real one. yea taz prolly the only excitement i derived today. well other than that, hmmm, i guess it's the hungry-to-learn kind of feeling all over again. seriously it's pretty interesting to actually make yourself improve and get better every practice session.

but oh well, i was pretty blur today. or prolly i acted blur. oh wadever it is. the engine stalled like so many times today. so many i lost count. and the instructor told me tis told me that. and whn he asked me tis and that, hahaha, i wasnt sure how to answer him either. lol.

one example:
instructor: so. wad do u feel happens to the car at the biting point whn the gear is in gear 1 and reverse gear.
me: one moves forward. the other moves backward.
instructor: u sure? feel again.
instructor: ok. nvm. look at tis. (the standard car logo on the window glass) feel the biting pt again. wad happens to the vehicle.
me: oh! the car goes up at reverse. thn the car goes dwn whn at gear 1.

LOL. i think i've made myself sound so stupid and blur to the instructor.

anyway. i think honda sucks. or mayb all the learning car sucks. everything is so darn light. stepping on the accelerator is as gd as not stepping. brake pedal pressure is so light until indescribable. steering is the worst! the grip is so thin. the steering resistance is so light.

compared to my dad's car. it's such a big diff. i seriously dn like light cars. it's so light. no fun in driving. cant feel anything.

my car shld b juz like my gun trigger. heavy and crisp. best! somehow, i prefer heavier resistance. hahahha. it juz feels better.

that GREAT show

that GREAT show.

tis is gna be yet another controversial post.
but i guess it's inevitable.
too many observations. too many thoughts.
indescribable.

two things. two words. mercenary. &. selfish.

some pple are juz getting so mercenary tis days. but i guess it cant be blame with today's society. everyone is so fucking practical, so dictated by money. and wad are sacrificed are all the values they cultivate.

but at the sake of stripping wadever and however u behave twds urself and other pple. is it even worth it? take tis scenario for example. tis pple are ur instructors, ur teachers, ur motivators, ur frens. they helped u, they taught u, they hav a heart to benefit u in mind. yet sometimes, bcos of a puny sum of money that needs to be paid to show some gratitude twds them, u dn give in. and i'm not saying it's even a regular thing. it mayb a every few mths thing, every year thing, every few years thing?

smtimes a small gesture goes a long way that u dn even know. but to put money over values, thn i think whoever it is, is such a bastard. whether or not the thing is a necessity, it doesnt matter. unless, that thing is something u really cant afford given ur current financial status. put urself in the shoes of those pple who teach u, would they even mind if it's a necessity to see how much u pay them, so that will determine how much they'll teach u? NO. but there are yes-es as well, and tis pple, they arent fit to be teaching u at all. THEY, are another bunch of money sucking bastards.

selfish assholes. incorrigible rudeness. wad are bcoming of singaporeans? monsters?

tis is wad i observed frm the "morning rush" frm my past 2 wks of work. i take 969 to tampines frm yishun. but every morning, WITHOUT FAIL, that'll b tis bloody grp of assholes crowding together. and whichever bus that they are aiming to take, they'll juz crowd there, preventing any others frm getting in front of them. it's like a barrier. there's a few buses: 858, 969, 965(not a lot of pple rush for tis bus though)

and let's say. tis grp of pple wans to take 969. the bus 969, however, does not reach the bus stop. it stops at the back of another bus. tis bloody pple will juz rush their way twds the bus. they'll push thru w/o hesitation. and that is fucking rude, selfish, & PATHETIC.

so let's analyse, why do they resort to tis kind of behaviour? seats on the bus, is one. wanting to get on the bus so that they wun b late is another. (prolly afraid that the bus is crowded?) wad else is there? i dno man.

but the tolerance to tis kind of attitude has a limit. and such attitude is totally atrocious. dn u think? another scenario would be sg drivers on the roads, regardless of whichever country they drive in. how many drivers these days are those really courteous ones? such a majority are a bunch of selfish bastards, who scold & swear whn some other drivers screws up in front of them.

and my guess is we're in for a big GREAT show, in 2010. esp, if things doesnt improve, singapore's reputation is gna go dwn. and i'm sure those UP-THERE are gna be so damn freaking concerned abt their faces and the nation's one. and wadever i've said arent the worst things YET.