Scars (Stronger For Life)

Scars (Stronger For Life) - Corrinne May

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground

You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hands

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger
Scars make us stronger for life

satisfaction. NO.

satisfaction. NO.

back again.

blog entry of the day:
today is sunday, march 9, 2008. it started with a fine day. thn there were showers in the late afternoon. and it's also last day of IT Show 2008. lol.

hav been busy & tired lately. that explains why i haven been blogging.

today's the mthly shoot for HTNS.
well. the total score was pretty decent i could say.
559.

BUT. the series scores werent really smthing for me to boast of. cant exactly remb wad the scores are. will hav to check on that again on tuesday. there were two pretty good series, which are 4th (98) and 6th (97). but my starting few series was bad. really bad. and it pulled me down.

2nd series was an 88. so basically, the series scores were fluctuating frm one to the other. and taz really not my typical performance. it's more consistent for the past few times. i know the reason for my first three series was bcos of trigger freeze. smhow tis problem keeps coming back. and it's starting to irritate me. (it's annoying, alrite!)

hmm.
the satisfaction feeling just hasnt been in me lately. even with scores of 98 & 97, i juz dn feel right. 559 can be a pretty good score and bad as well. but it's not the score that matters more than the processes. smtimes, i juz find it so difficult to perfect my processes and remove that trigger freeze problem. training, hmm, i shld take the chance to train full time tis holidays.

50m prone.

went down to cck after the shoot(and definitely after the lunch that was served abt 1 hr later). today's training felt fruitful. but my left arm still hurts. and somehow my left index finger has that numb feeling. and i dno why. (and it's the finger!!! not the hand.)

endurance timing with smallbore rifle is now abt 35 mins. which is an improvement. but with an air rifle, i can do abt 40 min. but still, i need to improve more. (and more. and MORE!!!) didnt really took time to look at my shots after training today though. was rushing to keep the rifle by thn alrdy. so i juz dumped everything in my luggage (damn. it's gna smell again. esp whn my innerwear has not dry yet.)

the only thing that i found kinda negative was my endurance for the number of shots. 1st round, i had 40 shots continuous, with a bit of releasing to let the blood flow that is after one round of 20 shots. thn subsequent 2 rounds of 20 shots, i could not stay down for longer than one round. it was pretty tiring. actually i think i could tahan on for another set of 20 shots. but i felt if i took the rest, my shots would be better.

hmm. one thing to note was my breathing routine for prone. i need to develop a constant routine for that.

still, today felt good. but i'm still not satisfied at tis standard. i hav to train more. yes. A LOT MORE. (mayb i shld consider training full time for both. even on weekends. hmm. might not be a bad idea afterall. but that'll mean i'll hav to sacrifice a lot of things. on second tots, i think i shld consider tis properly.)

ntu invi. shoot.

ntu invi. shoot.

today was the 1st day of the ntu invitational shoot.

it's been a long while since i shot such a kind of competition. a very long while. and i realise there's a lot of flaws i made today, that could well take away every effort that i put into training to at least maintain my score today.

550.

the scores have been sticking at tis level. had 552 in jan htns mthly shoot. thn i didn shoot feb htns mthly, since it was 4th day of cny(man, it's only the 4th day. eat more cookies lar. waz the hurry?) and whn i totalled up my training in feb, there were only...either 3 or 4 times for air rifle and one dry practice for prone (ONE!!! tis is bad. u know. very bad!)

well. i can only say the number of trainings plays a big part in how well u actually shoot(and of cos HOW u train. not whn u anyhow shoot for fun.) but feb was a bz mth. or mayb it's juz an excuse. i dno. mayb all these reasons shld b accounted for as excuses. i dno. u decide. exams. thn a stupid flu. which equates to one whole wk of NOTHING. the flu seriously sucked. it totally came at the wrong time. (oh wadever, it shldnt even be here in the 1st place.)

bac to ntu today. jitters somehow crawled its way back to me at the start of the comp. i was pretty nervous for some reason. i think its the pressure and the intensity of the competition that i haven felt in a super long time.

it gave me a really bad start. my normal routine were all messed up. how i suit up. which equipment i wore 1st and next, it started to mess up juz after i finish zipping "down"(in tis case it's down, not the usual zip up) my pants. thn dry firing started. i was hot. freaking hot. the anxiety prolly hyper-activated the sweat glands. i could i feel my perspiration coming out of my skin like some blardie tap water. every dry shot i take, my cheek piece got wet. (man. it's freaking crazy. i was wiping my head and gun for like every shot! taz the starting part only though)

thn. comes the game. i couldnt settle dwn with my aiming. it was shaky and the lighting was damn bright. it took me quite a while to adjust to the lighting. sighter shots sucked like i dno wad i was shooting. my gun didn felt right either. mayb it's my position, mayb it's my cheekblock, mayb the flu affected my position. there's too many maybes. the feeling juz wasnt there. and even whn it was there for a shot, it was only existent for not more than the fingers of one hand. (so yes. basically the whole competition, i juz kept shooting even whn i didn felt right.)

and the worst mistake! nvr throw ur watch/clock into ur luggage or smwhere else, ESPECIALLY whn u cant see the range clock right at the OTHER END 33 LANES away and ur shooting glasses lens are not made to fit ur actual degree. damn. it was the worst mistake i hav ever committed. by the time i finish my sighter shots, i was desperately trying to look at the time(which i cant freaking see!!!) so i had to turn ard, agar agar see wad the time was. and damn, it proved me short of time by the end of the competition. luckily, i could still finish shooting. (otherwise, i think i'm gna get a bad scolding...)

i'm juz not satisfied with my processes today. it was a big screw up. visualisation. relaxation. routine execution. i think i'll hav to go bac to the basics of mental skills once again. it's been long while since i've used mental skills intensively. and i had trigger freeze today again. it occured quite a few times.

hmm. problems are starting pop out here and there again. i guess it's time to start reflecting wad is happening...